They say you never truly appreciate what you have until it's gone. Well that royally pissed me off, because I don't want to wait all that time and I'd much rather appreciate that something while I still have it. What a shitty system! Darn you, life/God/whoever!
But then today something sort of cool happened. Well it's not cool in the sense that my dog grew wings, flew up to my window, and spoke words of wisdom to me or anything, but cool = good.
-context yay- So, growing up I've always felt emotionally hollow, like I was consumed in all of my own troubles, never really caring for anything out of my little sphere. I couldn't surely say there was anyone I really "loved," or at least such that I could deduce. I thought it was probable that I love my parents, but how could I really verify that? Doubt filled my mind as I was always forgetting their birthdays and never knowing what to get them and such.
I guessed I probably just didn't care enough. Me me me me.
It was a mystery whether love or empathy would ever be a part of my life, and as I grew older, the doubt and cynicism grew. It started to seem all too clear to me that people were incapable of real "love," that everyone is just delusional and feel the way they do for egotistical reasons.
Why do I love my parents? They constantly care for me and put me first. Evolution says I should treasure any kind of force that keeps me content and well, and same thing will go for my friends, lovers, whatever. That was the cold, robotic reasoning I made for myself.
And so -back to the present- I was sitting here doing some last minute financial aid stuff I had forgotten to do for a school, and the site asks me to type the ages of my parents. I was always forgetting their ages (another thing that made me skeptical), so I had to look at their birthdates and calculate them. They're both around 50. Then I started thinking about my parents becoming old and decrepit, and it dawned on me how soon this is going to happen. I felt depressed thinking of the prospect of losing my parents to age. And I cried.
This from the guy who thought he'd be that awkward son who wouldn't be able to cry at his parents' funeral. I actually started choking up, and (very unfortunate timing, I don't know why) I started to cry my eyes out while I was brushing my teeth.
Maybe I just think way too much. Maybe I do love my parents. I don't think I've ever really cried for anyone else. Or maybe it's the hormones. Either way, tonight, I feel a bit more human than before.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Saturday, January 10, 2009
It's over!
After months of preparation and practices (which failed pretty hard), Maria's Debut finally comes to a close. For those of you who slept in and didn't come, weren't invited, or just didn't notice, nothing really worked out the way it was supposed to. In fact, "Debut fail" should be a common term for any disjointed and disorganized party. This might sound like a bad Disney film, but despite everything failing, it was a lot more fun than I had expected. You kind of had to be there, but here's the nice sparknotes version of it:
-Most of court was later than we'd planned. Karthik and I left my house at 8:50, but we missed an exit, ended up in San Pedro somehow, and got there at like 10:15.
-Waltz was alright. We actually maintained a circle. Good job, court! -high five-
-Will emceed, which made every awkward moment funny. "tables 13, 14, and 15...just pretend I said something funny"
-Zach played his sexophone, while Andrew...didn't. lol
-Maria's sister Michelle sang while her "gentleman friend" (as Will referred to him) played guitar
-Hannah's candle speech made me laugh. Frances' almost made me cry. And some girl's who Maria didn't even know made me feel awkward. She had humongous calves btw, but that's irrelevant.
-Modern was...I won't get into it. But at least we humored the audience =D.
-The DJ couldn't get the order right the roses dances because he lost the song list. -_-
-Paul did the Numa Numa dance. I laughed so hard I almost threw my heart up.
-I was Dr. Gregory House. Very hot.
-And then we danced the afternoon away. Until the The Reef employees started opening the curtains which made everything really awkward.
-At some point Frankie was in the middle of a circle and he danced like he'd never danced before. Meanwhile on the peripherals of said circle, some of us were doing the awkward turtle dance in response.
And I was too busy to take pictures with my phone. Except for this one:
Excuse the lighting. I said "smile, show us your teeth!" and that's what Christine gives me. And hi Cindy.
Oh and I almost forgot about this one. I remember Karthik hated it:
Ooh and random: so I was walking around Target the other day while my grandpa was at the pharmacy, and I stepped into the glasses room/section. I thought to myself, "Hrm, what kind of glasses should I get if I want to look like a douchebag? And I found these:
Actually the glasses are fine, but the kid just pisses me off.
Happy Debut, Maria.
-Most of court was later than we'd planned. Karthik and I left my house at 8:50, but we missed an exit, ended up in San Pedro somehow, and got there at like 10:15.
-Waltz was alright. We actually maintained a circle. Good job, court! -high five-
-Will emceed, which made every awkward moment funny. "tables 13, 14, and 15...just pretend I said something funny"
-Zach played his sexophone, while Andrew...didn't. lol
-Maria's sister Michelle sang while her "gentleman friend" (as Will referred to him) played guitar
-Hannah's candle speech made me laugh. Frances' almost made me cry. And some girl's who Maria didn't even know made me feel awkward. She had humongous calves btw, but that's irrelevant.
-Modern was...I won't get into it. But at least we humored the audience =D.
-The DJ couldn't get the order right the roses dances because he lost the song list. -_-
-Paul did the Numa Numa dance. I laughed so hard I almost threw my heart up.
-I was Dr. Gregory House. Very hot.
-And then we danced the afternoon away. Until the The Reef employees started opening the curtains which made everything really awkward.
-At some point Frankie was in the middle of a circle and he danced like he'd never danced before. Meanwhile on the peripherals of said circle, some of us were doing the awkward turtle dance in response.
And I was too busy to take pictures with my phone. Except for this one:
Excuse the lighting. I said "smile, show us your teeth!" and that's what Christine gives me. And hi Cindy.Oh and I almost forgot about this one. I remember Karthik hated it:
Ooh and random: so I was walking around Target the other day while my grandpa was at the pharmacy, and I stepped into the glasses room/section. I thought to myself, "Hrm, what kind of glasses should I get if I want to look like a douchebag? And I found these:
Actually the glasses are fine, but the kid just pisses me off.Happy Debut, Maria.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Please, be gentle
So you may be wondering what I'm doing in the preceding picture. I am in fact begging Steve Jobs to gentle as he ass rapes me silly, because now I have a Mac. Which essentially make me Apple's bitch.God I didn't realize how creepy this picture was until now. I apologize for that.
Oh and that's the beanie Darren got me for Christmas, amongst other things. I showed my appreciation for it by taking it with me to Mammoth and breaking the elastic in it. But now it's comfier, so I guess God or Jehovah or whoever is up there DOES have a plan.
Wait, where was I? Right so I got a Mac. Story goes:
Sister gets mac. Sister gets job where they give the exact same Mac to their employees. Sister keeps Mac for a while. One day a few years later personal Mac won't charge or work anymore. Apple store tells sister battery and hard-drive are defective, so Mac gets new battery and gets an upgraded 80 GB hard-drive because Apple doesn't make 60 GB hard-drives for that model anymore. Sister realizes little brother is going off to college soon. Sister asks brother if he'd like it for college, and brother says hell yes.
So yeah, I'll probably spend way too much time on it, posting pictures and videos of stupid shit just because I can.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Happy New Year's
When you say "Happy New Year's!", what are you being happy about? I had always uttered the phrase after the countdown, but I hadn't really thought about it until I was typing out the title to this blog.
'09 hasn't happened yet, so there's nothing to really be happy about that year, so the explanation that comes to mind first is that we say it because we're excited for the coming year.
But then I thought deeper into it, and as excited as I am for the rest of this year (oh and despite the lack of ^^'s and "whoooo!"s I am quite excited), when I wish a Happy New Year's I think I'm more saluting a good year goodbye. What do you think, friends?
As I clashed plastic cups full of Martinelli's with some chingoos when the clock struck 12, all I could think about was the good shit that happened up that point, not what could happen after. And that's all I have to say about the new year. I won't go on and on about how kickass the year will be, because you already know that.
BTW, I always found idioms with shrouded pasts to be interesting, like the whole story behind "rule of thumb" and such. In the future when analog clocks are a thing of the past, do you think our kids will have to ask us, "what does 'the clock struck' mean, daddy?" What'll happen when there are no more bridges made out of wood and rope? I'll say "don't burn your bridges," and my kids will look at me like I'm an idiot. Because in the future, nothing lights on fire except for books. Oh and double btw, I'm going to raise my kids so that they're so badass that rather than call me daddy, they'll refer to me as either "sir" or "master sergeant daddy".
And if people are wondering why I made the sudden relationship status change on facebook, it's because Maria and I have the green light from each of our respective parents. whoo!
this song makes me deliriously happy
'09 hasn't happened yet, so there's nothing to really be happy about that year, so the explanation that comes to mind first is that we say it because we're excited for the coming year.
But then I thought deeper into it, and as excited as I am for the rest of this year (oh and despite the lack of ^^'s and "whoooo!"s I am quite excited), when I wish a Happy New Year's I think I'm more saluting a good year goodbye. What do you think, friends?
As I clashed plastic cups full of Martinelli's with some chingoos when the clock struck 12, all I could think about was the good shit that happened up that point, not what could happen after. And that's all I have to say about the new year. I won't go on and on about how kickass the year will be, because you already know that.
BTW, I always found idioms with shrouded pasts to be interesting, like the whole story behind "rule of thumb" and such. In the future when analog clocks are a thing of the past, do you think our kids will have to ask us, "what does 'the clock struck' mean, daddy?" What'll happen when there are no more bridges made out of wood and rope? I'll say "don't burn your bridges," and my kids will look at me like I'm an idiot. Because in the future, nothing lights on fire except for books. Oh and double btw, I'm going to raise my kids so that they're so badass that rather than call me daddy, they'll refer to me as either "sir" or "master sergeant daddy".
And if people are wondering why I made the sudden relationship status change on facebook, it's because Maria and I have the green light from each of our respective parents. whoo!
this song makes me deliriously happy
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