Fucked Up Thing #1

So I realized the other day while talking to Maria that I have a lot of fucked up (but cool) ideas that I'm always telling her, but I always forget what they are later. And that's a shame, so I've decided to put them up on the old blog whenever I think of them! So here's Fucked Up Thing #1

No one really remembers themselves being born, which is interesting since it must be such a traumatic and scary experience. But what if one upped the ante? Would a baby remember being born under the most traumatic of circumstances? My idea for a horrible birthing scenario:

Have the mother hanging by her arms from a horizontal pole high above the ground. As the baby is born, it'll fall out of the mother. To make matters even worse, the horizontal pole should be put several meters above the ground so that the baby doesn't hit the ground, but instead falls down and then BOING bounces back up to smack the mother in the uterus (I have no idea how long or elastic umbilical cords are) and then back down and up and down. Simple harmonic motion like you've never seen it before.

Then the baby will swing around for a bit, its tiny little arms flailing about but totally incapable of doing anything. Then SNAP goes the cord and there goes the baby. The beauty in this is that babies have to come out head first, so it'll fall and land on its head. The baby's short limbs will be easy to tuck in so the baby spirals downward like a compact bullet. And the icing on the cake: ever heard the Doppler Effect applied to a crying baby plummeting down through the sky? I haven't, and now I'm dying to know what it's like.