To be or not to be

How sad. It's Saturday night and I'm laying on a couch in my underwear with my laptop resting on my stomach, and the most socially active thing I'm doing is blogging. Strangely enough, I'm not really sad. Of course there's going to be (and there has been all summer) that nagging, antsy feeling that I should be getting the most out of my summer, spending every precious moment creating outstanding memories with friends and working on self-improving.

I really hate that feeling.

But it passes. Not to say I haven't done some of that, but honestly I've spent a large sum of time sitting on my ass reading manga, playing farmville, and listening to my itunes on shuffle. Oh and surprisingly I haven't been getting that much sleep, but that's irrelevant.

Now there's less than a month of summer left. I'm not lamenting that though. I'm more beaten up that I wasn't more honest the last 4 years of my life. Just now I'm embracing and accepting how much I love lounging around by myself, just like how I love stupid movies unimaginable in the film canon and silly manga that don't have a shred of realism in them. All of the things I thought a respectable person shouldn't love doing.

I think I would've been much happier had I let myself be--Hrm, why do we have to be "ourselves"? People say not to be other people, or who you think you should be, or who you think other people think you should think you should be, or any other confusing combination

of clauses, and they say "be yourself". Well I think you sort of lose yourself when you consciously decide who "yourself" is.

So I say just be. I look forward to just being during the next four years of my life.